


Lamest Adventure Ever!!

by Shoutandscreamy



Category: Homestuck, Medievalstuck - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Angst, Dragons, I didn't give this one too much mercy, I imagine his wife to be Rose but you're free to interpt. how ever you like, Implied/Referenced Character Death, John gets a little beat up, Medievalstuck, One Shot, Other, and he wants a little bit of comfort, cliff hanger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24484792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shoutandscreamy/pseuds/Shoutandscreamy
Summary: John and friends find themselves facing two dragons, oh noooooo.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	Lamest Adventure Ever!!

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a Homestuck panel redraw by an artist named Kelly on Twitter. Her handle is @orbynit.

You’re sweating profusely. The mixture of moisture and dirt riding up in your clothes rubs uncomfortably on your skin. Your everything hurts. Small holes scattered across your body begin to ache, oozing blood. You can hardly bother to feel it over the loud creak and protest of your bones in your ears. It makes sense though, after a fall like that. You couldn’t imagine how far it actually was. You just aimed to land on anything but your feet. You’re not sure how to land perfectly safe from the sky, and you’re nothing if you break your ankles. Deadweight out here is dead meat. 

Shit.

This is not good. 

You landed on your side and you think that maybe your feet wouldn’t have been so bad. You try to move. Your body yells in protest. Every muscle in motion stops and collapses before you could move an inch. You swallow painfully. Your throat is horse after the shouting you did while being hauled over the trees against your will. You're starting to shake and getting a hold of yourself is getting harder. Well, your ankles might still be intact, but something else important definitely isn’t. You blink, trying to clear your blurry vision. You don't know why you try. You can't see shit without your spectacles; you can kiss those babies goodbye. Speaking of, where did you land? How far away did the dragon take you? Could you every travel that far if you did know? You’re beginning to think you should have grabbed your bag before you got swept away into this nightmare. You’re not sure what’s broken, but you do know the thundering roars above you don’t care and if you can’t get out this mess soon, you’ll be lunch. 

Lunch…

Man, you’re so hungry. 

“John!” Tramples of feet rush toward you. You recognize the voice to be Dave’s. “John, are you okay? Holy shit dude, you got blood everywhere.” 

You cough. It’s sort of obvious you’re not doing well, and you can feel the how soaked your clothes are. You still can’t move but you can crane your neck to watch your friends crowd over you. At least, that’s what you assume is happening. You can only really see the vague outline of Dave’s face and his bushy eyebrows tilting in concern. 

“We’re gunna try to sit you against this big fucking rock.” Dave warns. 

Your eyes widen and you push your arm out in defense, even though he hadn’t even touched you yet. The sudden jerk rocks your body and you move slightly forward, crushing your arm further under you. The pain sets off another squirrely reaction. With a shout and a flinch, you manage to launch to your back. You can’t do much more from here besides helplessly wiggle and moan pathetically. 

Now laying on your back, you can see Dirk and Terezi gazing down at you. You can’t tell if they’re worried or amused by your ridiculous display. They’re too far away for you to see clearly and wearing they’re shades. Dirk moves his sword to rest on his shoulders and he points his face to the sky. You go to follow his gaze but Terezi’s hand on your shoulder takes your attention. You wince more in instinct than genuine reaction. 

“We can’t just leave you like that.” Terezi snorts not unkindly. 

“Terezi, you can’t even see!” You argue. 

“I can see shapes!” She snaps. “And your crooked dumbass blob was enough for me!” 

“We gotta get you off the shoulder, man. It’s not good to lay down right now. As much as I hate seeing you in pain, you gotta trust me on this one. It’s for your own good.” Dave gingerly shoves his hand underneath your head and back while Terezi supports your back and other shoulder. “Ready?” 

“I don’t really know—” You start but Dirk cuts you off. 

“We don’t have time to argue about this. There’s two somewhat pissed off reptiles heading this direction. Either we carry you and run or you sit on the side lines, and we figure out how to scare them off.” 

“Hey, hold on—” You try to cut in. 

“How the hell are you expecting us to scare them off?? We’re meat to these lizards. Nothing but another easy meal. Now that they’ve lost us the first time, they won’t let us go a second time! Thousands of soldiers fail with just one dragon and we’re supposed to somehow magically escape two?” Terezi shouts, pulling you up slightly in her passionate and sudden outburst. You groan. 

“I—” You try again. 

“I don’t know.” Dirk interrupts, looking at the three of you. “But it’s too late to start running.” 

“Shit.” Dave curses sharply. “I’m sorry, bro.” 

You don’t realize that apology is for you until Dave counts to three. They move you hastily and ungracefully to the rock Dave was talking about. You can’t think while being moved. The pain made you cry and you wanted to hit Dave for forcing you through it. Deep down, you know he’s doing it to protect future of your body (that is, assuming you actually make out of this alive), but presently this sucks, one might say, major balls.

You’re limp against this cold, hard surface, struggling to catch a breath. The three didn’t stay near you long. They spread out on the grass opening, bracing themselves for the next impact. You hear them shouting at each other. You think you see Dirk gesturing to his friends, probably bossing them around. You’re not exactly sure what’s going on though. The loudest thing in your ears in your blood pumping painfully out of your body. You exhale slowly. 

You want to go home. You want to lay in your plush bed and forget how much it hurts to breathe. You want to see your wife. You want to hold her soft hands and feel her gentle embrace against you instead. You want to hear her talk about her latest discoveries in magicks and potions as she struggles to get tangles out of her hair. She promised to teach you some of it when you got home and she was better prepared to help you learn. You don’t want to miss that. That’s a probably the coolest date idea you’ve ever heard, and you’re sitting against a rock doing nothing! This is the lamest adventure you’ve ever partook in. 

A dragon lands on the ground. You feel the mighty vibrations go through your butt and up your body to rattle your teeth. You can make out its wings flapping closed. It makes a loud, shrilling noise as it dives its head down. You think you can see a person—Dirk maybe? —narrowly avoiding the razor teeth of death and suffering. You can’t make out a word the three are shouting at each other. You can see two of them waving their arms wildly. Their voices sound frantic and panicked. 

You feel the second dragon land. 

Terror pumps adrenaline through your veins. You almost forget your wounds as you shuffle in your spot in attempt to see better. Nothing helps, though you’re not surprised. 

“TEREZI!” You hear one shout. 

“WHAT ARE YOU—” You start to hear another. 

Your eyes frantically look for her blurred figure. One of the dragons sways its head from side to side in an awkward manor. It flicks its wings and tail frustratedly. It shrills again, calling the attention of the other dragon, who roars in response. You see two people running across the field, yelling and gesturing to the dragon next to them. 

With a startling moment of clarity, you realize Terezi must be on the dragon. What is she doing there? How did she get up there? You get the feeling she didn’t have a plan when she got up there. What if the dragon takes off? The dragon’s outer coat is too strong for her to just cut through with her swords. She’s not necessarily better off being on the back of a dragon, especially because there’s two. If anything, this is probably more dangerous than running for your life in trees. At least you have a chance losing the dragons in there. That is, unless they decide to light the place a blaze. 

You watch the second dragon approach the scene and you can’t stand having to watch this. All for what? So, you can maybe survive after watching your friends blurrs get eaten alive? So you can travel back home alone with no real way of knowing you’re traveling in the right direction? You’d probably get eaten by something else before you get home anyway! If this is death either way, shouldn’t you try to help your friends? 

Sure, being mostly immobile makes you pretty useless, but you’ve been known to make some useless situations better. You can do something. Anything. 

You focus on the worry of your friends so that you can think up solutions. With your good arm, you regretfully pat yourself down of any items that you might have. Each reach around was agony. Each tense muscle was dumbing. You grit your teeth and breathe through it shakily. In the end, you gather a small collection of junk, a little bit of cash, and a small bag your wife provided for you before you left. 

With an enormous amount of struggle, you open the bag and dump it onto your lap. You recognize a few herbs, a root good for sickness, some flint and rocks and dry wood to start a fire. There’s a loosely wrapped second bag. You open that too. You touch it and bring it to you nose. Gun powder?

Dirk said to spook the dragons. You know enough of your wife’s practice to manipulate the elements and you know exactly one spell because you thought it was cool. If you can get your shit together, you can distract, or at least alert, the dragons and gain a little upper hand for his friends. It’s not the best plan, but it’s better then nothing, right? 

With much gusto, you throw the bag of gun powder as far away from your body as possible. You then scatter the flint and wood in hopes to help the fire grow where it’s supposed to. Figuring out how to light the fire wasn’t pretty. You’re uncanny finagling would have been a hilarious sight to behold. It took a large chunk of creativity and a certain numbness to pain to figure out how to get a spark. From thereon, you control your breathing. You focus on connecting to the energy around you and in your body. You focus on the fire you want to manifest. The next spark you create turns into flame. You blow on it, rushing it toward the bag. It obeys your will, sliding over the trail that you established. 

As it approaches closer to the powder, you review the spell in your head. It’s a laborious spell, but you’ve been able to withstand it pretty well, as long as you don’t do it several times in a row. You don’t think you’ll be able to do that now, so there’s nothing to worry about. 

You have one real shot at wording this correctly. You say it silently with your arm raised, pointing your palm toward the fire. You can feel power humming, gathering excitedly to be released. You whisper the spell until the moment is right. 

You shout. 

A surge of power flows out of you. As the fire reached the gun powder, your power made the explosion massive. A wall of fire reached to the sky. You were drenched in its heat. You can hear the dragons cry out. Whether in fear, or anger, you’re not sure. You sure your friends cry too. You hope this helps them escape. You know it’s hard to leave a friend behind, but it’s better than nobody surviving. 

The last thing you think about is how disappointed you were that you couldn’t have that date.

You black out.


End file.
